We Were Called "Mighty Hands"!
Sometimes I wonder why am I doing this? What does my purpose serve? I don't have my life all planned out. I live day to day with only a few things in control. And that's only because I don't have a steady job and I'm no longer in school. Yet, I'm so busy that I can't even find time to really just spend with the Lord, to talk, read his word and contemplate on what lesson is to be learned and how to apply it to my life. What is my deal? What do I want? Where am I going?
I was on portables today and had to do a portable chest on a patient that I've x-rayed a few times before. He's been in the hospital for a long time now. As I approached his room today I realized who it was I was going to x-ray. I thought, "Oh gosh, I'm by myself with this guy again... I hope he doesn't give me attitude today." I walked in and he looked totally different from when I last saw him. Just laying there with more tubes then before. Staring at the ceiling. Unable to say or do anything. His eye's were wide opened with tears. I thought, "Oh my gosh, what happened. I thought he was getting better?" For some reason I blamed myself because I kept bothering him to take his chest x-ray. But it wasn't my fault. Whatever it was, I felt really sad to see him like that. Our last conversation went something like this:
me: Hello! Good Morning Mr. Smith. I'm here to do another chest xray.
smith : (scuffs)
me: I also just wanted to come and visit you! (smiles)
smith: (smiles and laughs inside) oh well.. are you by your self again today? You should have someone with you. Why are you by yourself?
me: Oh, well that's because we're so busy. But if it'll make you feel better I can get help.
smith: yes.
So as I'm setting up we get talking.
smith: I think I remember you...?
me: You do! Oh, good.
smith: Tell me again where you from?
me: oh (thinking we never talked about this) Well my parents are from Laos. I'm Hmong. Have you heard of Hmong people before? They helped the U.S. during the Vietnam war.
smith: Oh! Yes! I was in the Marines. You ask your grandfather or father they'll know. We were called "Mighty Hands!"
me: wow! Mighty Hands?
smith: Yes, we could make fire balls in our hands. We could destroy anything with our hands. We were a top secret group of people. I wouldn't be able to do what I used to do anymore. I'd have to go back and get trained again.
me: How interesting.
smith: Oh, you ladies were so beautiful. Terrible things happened to the Hmong, Vietnamese and Laos people during the war.
me: Yes, I heard. It is terrible.
I finished setting up and i'll admit we got carried away a bit talking but I didn't mind it. I was just glad to give him some company. We stopped talking for a few seconds to take the image before continuing.
smith: oh my back!
me: sorry sir, I know it's not comfy at all. The board is pretty hard and cold. (I pull the board out from beneath him)
smith: (baring it) Those were some days. You know I met someone back then. I wonder if I can still find her. Oh! I know who can help me find her. Lisa. She's a nurse that used to work with me and she just knew everybody! I'll ask her to help me find her because I the girl I met was a nurse too.
me: oh, that sounds like a plan. It would be nice to know how she's doing. Well, I'm all done now. I still have other xrays I need to do. It was fun chatting with you. Take care and get well soon. Hopefully you'll be able to leave this place. Maybe I'll see you again.
smith: (smiles)
That was the last thing we talked about. I felt so ashamed that he got worst because I'm part of the team that's supposed to help him get better. I know it's not in my control but I really wanted him to get better. I couldn't even look at him in the eyes. I didn't want him to see me or know that it was me. How shameful. I just couldn't bare it. I never felt like that with a patient. Maybe that's why I don't always make conversation with them because I'll get attached and loose my focus on the job? Anyway, I pray that he'll recover. I wonder how you would begin talking about God's saving grace to a patient? I would like to someday... maybe I might be able to with Mr. Smith when he recovers.
Their was another patient who I x-rayed. He was a sweet man who couldn't talk but kept trying to. I tried to be as gentle as possible. I reached over him to feel where my cassette was on his right side and he touched my left arm and kind of hugged it. I just thought oh, um okay. Thanks. After I was done he reached for my hand. I gave him my right hand. With both hands he held mine and began mouthing something. Stupidly, I said "what?" and then realized oh, duh! of course you won't hear him. "Are you trying to say thank you?" He kind of nodded. It made my heart ache. I just replied, "oh, it's okay. I really like you. (i don't know why i said that) I really hope you get well soon so that you can get back to your family. It was nice meeting you." That was like one of those moments where you just say to yourself, "This is why I do it."
At the end of the day despite the imperfect life I live what matters most is how you live your life. What you do with it. God gave us free will and that means that we have a choice to do as we please. Not necessarily meaning that whatever pleases us will please him or be right. I feel like we tend to tell people what they should do with their lives and expect them to be a certain way. Why are we so quick to fixing other peoples problems when our lives aren't even perfect. What makes life perfect? Nothing. To achieve perfection is impossible. unattainable. But, acceptance and peace is attainable.
God has a plan for every life. In his words he tells us how things are without sugar coating anything. Being a follower of Christ and building a relationship with him is never going to be easy. He consistently warned us and lead as an example. Jesus walked the walk.
I may not fully understand God's plan in my life, but I do hope that I'm on the right path according to his will. That the things I do will actually make some impact. That it's not done in vain and out of selfish ambitions. I hope in all I do I am at least a little bit like Christ and can show a fraction of his amazing love.
So, to conclude finally, I am content with the way things are right now. I much rather spend time on loving, caring and learning rather then spending most of my time doing things that doesn't enrich my life or contribute to a purposeful life.
I was on portables today and had to do a portable chest on a patient that I've x-rayed a few times before. He's been in the hospital for a long time now. As I approached his room today I realized who it was I was going to x-ray. I thought, "Oh gosh, I'm by myself with this guy again... I hope he doesn't give me attitude today." I walked in and he looked totally different from when I last saw him. Just laying there with more tubes then before. Staring at the ceiling. Unable to say or do anything. His eye's were wide opened with tears. I thought, "Oh my gosh, what happened. I thought he was getting better?" For some reason I blamed myself because I kept bothering him to take his chest x-ray. But it wasn't my fault. Whatever it was, I felt really sad to see him like that. Our last conversation went something like this:
me: Hello! Good Morning Mr. Smith. I'm here to do another chest xray.
smith : (scuffs)
me: I also just wanted to come and visit you! (smiles)
smith: (smiles and laughs inside) oh well.. are you by your self again today? You should have someone with you. Why are you by yourself?
me: Oh, well that's because we're so busy. But if it'll make you feel better I can get help.
smith: yes.
So as I'm setting up we get talking.
smith: I think I remember you...?
me: You do! Oh, good.
smith: Tell me again where you from?
me: oh (thinking we never talked about this) Well my parents are from Laos. I'm Hmong. Have you heard of Hmong people before? They helped the U.S. during the Vietnam war.
smith: Oh! Yes! I was in the Marines. You ask your grandfather or father they'll know. We were called "Mighty Hands!"
me: wow! Mighty Hands?
smith: Yes, we could make fire balls in our hands. We could destroy anything with our hands. We were a top secret group of people. I wouldn't be able to do what I used to do anymore. I'd have to go back and get trained again.
me: How interesting.
smith: Oh, you ladies were so beautiful. Terrible things happened to the Hmong, Vietnamese and Laos people during the war.
me: Yes, I heard. It is terrible.
I finished setting up and i'll admit we got carried away a bit talking but I didn't mind it. I was just glad to give him some company. We stopped talking for a few seconds to take the image before continuing.
smith: oh my back!
me: sorry sir, I know it's not comfy at all. The board is pretty hard and cold. (I pull the board out from beneath him)
smith: (baring it) Those were some days. You know I met someone back then. I wonder if I can still find her. Oh! I know who can help me find her. Lisa. She's a nurse that used to work with me and she just knew everybody! I'll ask her to help me find her because I the girl I met was a nurse too.
me: oh, that sounds like a plan. It would be nice to know how she's doing. Well, I'm all done now. I still have other xrays I need to do. It was fun chatting with you. Take care and get well soon. Hopefully you'll be able to leave this place. Maybe I'll see you again.
smith: (smiles)
That was the last thing we talked about. I felt so ashamed that he got worst because I'm part of the team that's supposed to help him get better. I know it's not in my control but I really wanted him to get better. I couldn't even look at him in the eyes. I didn't want him to see me or know that it was me. How shameful. I just couldn't bare it. I never felt like that with a patient. Maybe that's why I don't always make conversation with them because I'll get attached and loose my focus on the job? Anyway, I pray that he'll recover. I wonder how you would begin talking about God's saving grace to a patient? I would like to someday... maybe I might be able to with Mr. Smith when he recovers.
Their was another patient who I x-rayed. He was a sweet man who couldn't talk but kept trying to. I tried to be as gentle as possible. I reached over him to feel where my cassette was on his right side and he touched my left arm and kind of hugged it. I just thought oh, um okay. Thanks. After I was done he reached for my hand. I gave him my right hand. With both hands he held mine and began mouthing something. Stupidly, I said "what?" and then realized oh, duh! of course you won't hear him. "Are you trying to say thank you?" He kind of nodded. It made my heart ache. I just replied, "oh, it's okay. I really like you. (i don't know why i said that) I really hope you get well soon so that you can get back to your family. It was nice meeting you." That was like one of those moments where you just say to yourself, "This is why I do it."
At the end of the day despite the imperfect life I live what matters most is how you live your life. What you do with it. God gave us free will and that means that we have a choice to do as we please. Not necessarily meaning that whatever pleases us will please him or be right. I feel like we tend to tell people what they should do with their lives and expect them to be a certain way. Why are we so quick to fixing other peoples problems when our lives aren't even perfect. What makes life perfect? Nothing. To achieve perfection is impossible. unattainable. But, acceptance and peace is attainable.
God has a plan for every life. In his words he tells us how things are without sugar coating anything. Being a follower of Christ and building a relationship with him is never going to be easy. He consistently warned us and lead as an example. Jesus walked the walk.
I may not fully understand God's plan in my life, but I do hope that I'm on the right path according to his will. That the things I do will actually make some impact. That it's not done in vain and out of selfish ambitions. I hope in all I do I am at least a little bit like Christ and can show a fraction of his amazing love.
So, to conclude finally, I am content with the way things are right now. I much rather spend time on loving, caring and learning rather then spending most of my time doing things that doesn't enrich my life or contribute to a purposeful life.
